I think one of the strongest parts here is your exploration of the difference between solitude as conscious integration vs solitude as emotional retreat or self-protection.
No joke, after everything I’ve been through, I’ve been doing a lot of the self-protection bit while trying to do the integration as well—protecting myself while also integrating all that darkness that visited me & pulled up the darkness already there.
And now I’ve met someone who I think could potentially be the kind of partner I’ve always wanted. But the fear of being hurt again is still very much there because of what I’ve experienced with people who were not careful with me. I think that’s why your piece resonated so deeply with me.
I also appreciated that you widened the lens beyond men, because I’ll tell you seriously. MANY women have been arriving at the same conclusion too. Peace & emotional/financial/sexual/etc self-sufficiency become deeply nourishing after years of being conditioned to overgive to the point we abandon ourselves.
That’s where I think feminism actually helps both women and men. Patriarchal expectations hurt everyone. Men are often taught don’t cry, don’t need. Women are taught emotional labor and self-sacrifice. So when people finally discover a stable inner life, solitude can begin to feel protective, even sacred.
I also really appreciated your point that real healing is not emotional anesthesia. That line about “remaining emotionally alive in a world that constantly teaches people to disconnect from themselves” was pertinent.
Because yes the danger isn’t solitude itself. The danger is when peace hardens us. So when someone emotionally present finally arrives in your life you instinctively push them away. Or when self-protection becomes disengagement from the messy, transformative parts of being human…including letting yourself be loved as deeply as you’re capable of loving others.
I think that’s part of what so many people are wrestling with right now, across genders and orientations. How do we relate to other people in ways that are more conscious and less hurtful? How do we stop reenacting the same pain on each other?
Well done! Now we’re gonna get you a more feminist film idol than Woody. 😘
That post was magnificent, and I had a nice challenge getting to give you feedback. What a powerful reflection of your process and state of being. I feel blessed to have traveled this path of friendship, meditation and teaching with you all these many decades. Love you always, my blessed friend and soul brother.
Looks good on you ... do you remember what I said at the time: We can only get over being lonely alone. But I propose that the kind of aloneness you have been enjoying : campaigns, dinners, salons, etc. is different than Durag's. Yours is not an empty aloneness. And as you've been doing all that ... you have also been shedding ... unneeded needs, etc. So ... my guess is you are nearly ready ...
Dear Brujo,
I think one of the strongest parts here is your exploration of the difference between solitude as conscious integration vs solitude as emotional retreat or self-protection.
No joke, after everything I’ve been through, I’ve been doing a lot of the self-protection bit while trying to do the integration as well—protecting myself while also integrating all that darkness that visited me & pulled up the darkness already there.
And now I’ve met someone who I think could potentially be the kind of partner I’ve always wanted. But the fear of being hurt again is still very much there because of what I’ve experienced with people who were not careful with me. I think that’s why your piece resonated so deeply with me.
I also appreciated that you widened the lens beyond men, because I’ll tell you seriously. MANY women have been arriving at the same conclusion too. Peace & emotional/financial/sexual/etc self-sufficiency become deeply nourishing after years of being conditioned to overgive to the point we abandon ourselves.
That’s where I think feminism actually helps both women and men. Patriarchal expectations hurt everyone. Men are often taught don’t cry, don’t need. Women are taught emotional labor and self-sacrifice. So when people finally discover a stable inner life, solitude can begin to feel protective, even sacred.
I also really appreciated your point that real healing is not emotional anesthesia. That line about “remaining emotionally alive in a world that constantly teaches people to disconnect from themselves” was pertinent.
Because yes the danger isn’t solitude itself. The danger is when peace hardens us. So when someone emotionally present finally arrives in your life you instinctively push them away. Or when self-protection becomes disengagement from the messy, transformative parts of being human…including letting yourself be loved as deeply as you’re capable of loving others.
I think that’s part of what so many people are wrestling with right now, across genders and orientations. How do we relate to other people in ways that are more conscious and less hurtful? How do we stop reenacting the same pain on each other?
Well done! Now we’re gonna get you a more feminist film idol than Woody. 😘
Hi Amy. Thank you for diving in and catching the crux of it - remaining emotionally open in a guarded world.
I feel we’ve become writing partners. Keep up the good work. Bruce.
That post was magnificent, and I had a nice challenge getting to give you feedback. What a powerful reflection of your process and state of being. I feel blessed to have traveled this path of friendship, meditation and teaching with you all these many decades. Love you always, my blessed friend and soul brother.
Looks good on you ... do you remember what I said at the time: We can only get over being lonely alone. But I propose that the kind of aloneness you have been enjoying : campaigns, dinners, salons, etc. is different than Durag's. Yours is not an empty aloneness. And as you've been doing all that ... you have also been shedding ... unneeded needs, etc. So ... my guess is you are nearly ready ...